WHY WOMEN DON’T LEAVE VIOLENT PARTNERS IN MATRIMONY: BY DR PRAKRITI PODDAR
Any physical, sexual, emotional abuse, and/or controlling
behaviours perpetuated by a person over an intimate partner is considered
intimate partner violence.
The cause of harmony and fulfilling
partnership is what every couple strives for- it falls under the clause of
basic human needs that makes life more cherishable.
Yet, violence among partners is
prevalent in most cases, with heartbreaking accounts of intimate partner
violence (IPV), leading to worst case scenarios such as death.
Any physical, sexual, emotional
abuse, and/or and controlling behaviours perpetuated by a person over an
intimate partner, is considered as IPV, with the afflicted being mostly women.
Perpetrators consist of not just men, but families and near ones too.
In India, its prevalence is great,
owing to the patriarchal framework where the men are given leeway to any
unfathomable situation. Here, the society and family values are steeped in outdated
practices, to such an extent that no amount of foremost education can get rid
of this malpractice.
The problem overwhelmingly affects
women world over which is evident in the data presented by the World Health
Organization (WHO). As per WHO, around 35% of women in the world have been
physically or sexually abused in some form or the other. Globally, it is
estimated that male intimate partners have committed 38% of women murders.
The Indian scenario is reflective of
the world’s state. As per the latest National Family Healthy Survey Report,
around 33% of ever-married women have faced physical, sexual, and emotional or
spousal violence, with at least 30% facing physical violence, 14% emotional
violence, and 7% sexual violence.
While internationally, more than 50%
of physically abused have never sought help from formal authorities or service
providers. In India, less than 14% of women have sought help to stop violence.
Not being exclusive to women, a
significant number of men also are impacted by IPV, which includes both
heterosexuals and homosexuals. In a study conducted amongst 320 men around 46%
admitted to experience some form of IPV including controlling behaviour.
Causes behind intimate partner violence
A victim of IPV may have undergone
physical violence of various degrees; forced sexual intercourse or sexual
coercion; emotional or psychological abuse which includes intimidation,
humiliation, threats; and controlling behaviours which include ensuring the
partner is isolated from family and friends, keeping a close watch on partner’s
movements, restricting access to employment, finances, education, or medical
care.
A number of factors lead to IPV,
which can be broadly categorised as individual, relationship, and societal
factors, and overall IPV happens to be a larger demonstration of power politics
and show of control and authority.
Individual factors include young age,
lack of education, exposure to harmful drugs and alcohol, history of abuse, and
personality disorders. Relationship factors include dissatisfaction and
conflicts with partner, patriarchal value systems in the family, financial
challenges, extra-marital partners, low level of social standing for men.
Societal factors include inequitable
gender norms in the society, poverty, weak legal framework and community
acceptance against IPV, lack of women’s civil rights, inequitable and
restrictive marriage laws, as well as regressive and outdated cultural
practices.
Why women don’t leave violent partners
Multiple factors contribute to women
continuing to be with their violent partners, especially in the Indian setting.
Women with violent partners suffer high levels of depression, are under
constant fear, develop post-traumatic stress order (PTSD), and low self-esteem.
The following factors play important roles in continuing in an
abusive relationship:
• No alternative recourse. In the
Indian society, patriarchal values are the ingrained in women from birth, from
the time girls develop their understanding they are groomed to become “good
wives and mothers”. Most families refrain from educating the girl above grade
“8” because they believe “pankh
nikalj ayeenge.” (She will find her wings). For a woman, focus on
independence is taken away therefore focus on things such as skill development,
art, earning a livelihood are secondary. Wedding becomes the way of getting
handed over from one patriarch setting to another, leaving no alternative
recourse if things don’t go well in either of them.
• Mental conditioning in accordance
with outdated patriarchal values. From the very young age, the way females are
mentally conditioned is as secondary and as subservient to the male
counterparts. Men are assumed to have the first right one women’s body,
sexuality, and decision making. It is expected for women to keep up to abusive
nature. Often women are held responsible for the abusive nature of their
intimate partners, which ingrains guilt feelings and self-blame.
• Lack of financial support. Having
existed in an ecosystem which is secondary to that of the men’s, often women
are left without any financial support, devoid of assistance from the parent’s
side or the government’s side.
• Social pressure and stigma.
Societal shame and other forms of societal pressure also contribute immensely
in perpetuating abuse and limiting options for women, forcing them to stay in
an abusive relationship. The stigma of being a divorcee is more for women than
men.
• Calculated assessment to ensure
self-protection. The fear of the worst for them and for their children make
women take calculated measures to devise strategic adjustments for co-existing
with abuse.
• Cycle of violence. Women often fall
prey to the cycle of violence which includes building up of tension, verbal
abuse followed by physical attack, a period of remorse and apology, followed by
loving gestures to make-up for the abuse.
Finding the way out
Adopting the right approach as an
individual is one of the solution to these challenges.
There are some short-term and
long-term measures that can be put to practice to better the situation.
Reprogramming of traditional thoughts and reconstruction of inner resources
build up personal success.
• Short-term measures: The short-term measures
include that women are guided and counselled to begin creating a financial
safety net by opening bank accounts, direct savings, etc; connect with
community women bodies; develop a safety plan which includes keeping essentials
such as keys, purses at hands reach; identify supporting individuals amongst
family, friends, or peers and keep their contacts handy; identify emergency
shelter outside and inside house as it becomes important to get away from scene
of violence; and most importantly seek counselling to manage trauma.
• Long-term measures: These are to drive a
larger change.
* Introduce value systems of gender
equity for both men and women in educational systems, homes, policy making,
workplaces, and society. This will trigger behaviour change in present and
future generations of men with better sensitivity and respect towards women and
their individuality, making them equal stakeholders of the relationship.
* Build a supportive ecosystem for
abused partners through public private partnership in each district for the
victims to come for help, counselling, guidance towards legal assistance, and
support if they want to part ways with their spouses.
* Strengthen the legal framework
Domestic violence laws and other related legal provisions need to be carefully
looked at for ensuring the legal tools are rightfully used. There is a need to
resolve the cases through fast-track courts and due relief is meted out to the
victims.
* Have a supporting financial sector
which gives additional support to women, single mothers, divorcee, etc., with
due riders. The objective is to help the economically weaker and affected
sections function independently and with reliability.
Depending upon situations and nature
of the spouse, it would help if the spouse can be included in a conversation
that involves seeking counselling or a calmer way of settling differences.
by Dr Prakriti Poddar
MANISHANKAR
CEO-ANTI-CORRUPTION AND HUMAN RIGHTS MOVEMENT®-CHENNAI
Email: anticorruption.org2007@gmail.com.
Mobile: 91 9087856137
Comments
Post a Comment